Based on 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 (New King James Version)
“Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God; for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.”
One of the greatest problems we see today is the sexualization of everything in the world. We can surely say that we live in an era where society is consumed by sex. The media is saturated with sexuality, from commercials, television programs, movies, fashion, music, to sports. You can say that almost everything invites or incites to sexuality. And how about the internet? Such a tool has made pornography more accessible than ever before. If a person wants to see something sexual on the internet, they just need to type a little bit on their computer or smart phone and they have access to anything they can imagine and even to things they couldn’t imagine. It is estimated that the porn industry generates billions of dollars a year worldwide. One of the pornography giants on the internet declared on Yahoo Finance that in 2018 there were more than 28 billion visits to their website. To put it in perspective, there are over 7 billion people in the world today, so then, statistically speaking, it’s literally like if every person (man, woman, and child) in the world saw porn four times on this website alone in that year. So then, am I exaggerating that our society is more than obsessed with sex? And the problem with that mentality is that it does affect relationships.
The Thessalonians lived in a society very similar to ours, so then, this issue that the Apostle Paul is dealing with in the church is very relevant to the problem we have today in our own Christian society. The people of God are just as sexualized as the world because many in the church live like the world, and therefore, have the mentality of the world. The Apostle Paul is dealing with two things specifically here, so that we can understand the topic: fornication (or the sex act) between two people that are not married and married couples. Marriage is not the only thing being addressed here, and we need to understand the perspective that involves the stage before marriage because that is what will generate problems in the marriage after.
The first aspect, in other words, sex before marriage is sin, and the Bible also uses the same term as fornication or sexual immorality to refer to this. The issue is simply that there should not be sexual relations between two people before marriage. God created sex for marriage, so that it can be practiced within marriage, but as it should be done (as we will see later). The problem is that many commit this error, and the grave problem is that they see this sin as an expression of love or as something natural, and it’s not so. The truth according to God’s Word is that having sexual relations with a person outside of marriage is sin. Nonetheless, many people within our churches practice sex freely between couples or even without being in a relationship. And many couples not only practice fornication within their relationship, but they live together before marriage. And this is a big problem because God’s Word is very clear on the issue of the practice of sin, as it is written: “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Galatians 5:19-21. The Word is quite clear in that God simply does not tolerate the practice of sin, or a lifestyle of sin, when a person commits sin deliberately and without control. You don’t need a high level of education to understand this.
What is the problem with fornication in a relationship prior to marriage? Outside of the serious spiritual problem it causes, there is a practical problem also. The problem is that to be able to form a stable and healthy relationship, to be able to see the other person as clearly as possible, people need to get to know each other without intermixing sex, because if sex is introduced, they are not thinking clearly anymore. Sex is taking the preeminence in the relationship, whether they admit it or not, because whether it be because of pride or because their mind is darkened, they don’t want to admit that they are not thinking clearly. And the solution is not to get married so that the evil stops per se. That is what turns one big problem into another more problematic one. A marriage should not be built without love, and when sex has been put into the equation, it is not founded on something healthy, and that is one of the greatest reasons for why many marriages don’t work or they don’t function as they should today, because something corrupt has been used as the foundation. Many couples get married for all the wrong reasons, and there simply is no love. This must be understood that sex does not equal love. And, if a couple have children, the wrong is made even greater because third (innocent) parties are introduced to experience a dysfunctional and corrupt relationship.
And this brings us to our next point, the problem with sexual abuse in marriage. The abuse that is spoken of here is not related to how the world explains it. God created sex as something precious and blessed that should only be shared between a husband and wife. And sex was not created just for having children, but also, as an expression of love and care between a marriage. If sex is practiced without that end, that it be an expression of that love, then it is also something that is abused, and that is what the Apostle Paul is dealing with here. Sex within marriage should never be treated as an outlet, or to let loose evil fantasies, or as a process, or as a duty, or far less, as a tool for control. All of that destroys a marriage. And that’s why what happens before is so important, because that will dictate how a person enters into the relationship, with a completely wrong frame of mind. We need to be careful on how things are done, on the reasons for why things are done, because we very clearly read the warning, as it is written: “…no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such.” And sometimes we wonder why things go wrong.
In the end, there is a good way on how to proceed for both single people as well as married people, and God’s desire for our own good is that everything be done according to what He teaches us. And if things have been done wrong, it’s never too late to repent and turn to what God commands. So then, are you living your life according to the Lord or according to the world and its evil influence? Lord bless! John